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Feeling Defeated Around Renting an Expensive House


This week’s question from our portal “Ask Us Anything” comes from Adu.

We’re planning a move, and I’m feeling extra-overwhelmed. Where I live, the houses are painfully expensive—way more than what I was expecting. We’ve looked at 15 houses in three months, but haven’t been accepted to rent any of them. We put our offer in to be renters of these houses, but we’re not being accepted. The market is so overwhelming. I’m feeling so defeated and ashamed about this.

I’m trying to lean into the idea of, “Just make more money and spend more.” But the idea of increasing, having the burden of so much monthly expenses overhead is stressful. How do I overcome this?

Look at the language you’re using. “Burden”?

Think about this for a second. The amount of money you’re going to pay for the place you live is a “burden.” Who would want to live in a place like that?

It should be a blessing.

If you have the need or desire for that place, then the clientele and the ability to pay for it has to be there. It’s the opposite side of the same thing.

It’s just that this is hitting you at a stretch point. You have to grow it in order to be able to do it.

Don’t complain about it. Make a decision either way. Either you’re ready to do this or you’re not—but make a decision and you won’t be stressed out.

Regarding not being accepted as a renter—you need to find out why were you declined? Is it that you don’t make enough income? Are they trying to get you in a bidding war to go higher? Is it a credit issue? You need to find out what it is.

There’s always a way around this stuff. Maybe it requires a bigger deposit down.

Ask them: “What do you need from me in order to say yes to this?”

I had the same problems when I was younger. When I moved from Illinois to a house in California, my rent was $50,000 a month. The big issue was that they needed a deposit for the furniture.

My daughter was going to stay with me for a while and she had a little dog. So, I asked, “What do you need to say yes to this?”

The guy was like, “I need a $50,000 dollar deposit for the furniture.” I was like, “Okay, perfect.”

Ask them directly why they’re saying no, and what they would need from you to say yes.

I don’t feel you’re in your power around this. Shake it off. Get in your power. Stop feeling helpless. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Sell the fact that you’re a great tenant to have. Sell them on, “You’d be lucky to have me as a tenant and here’s why.”

Don’t come from a place of, “Will you please rent me something?”

Sell yourself. It’s the same principle with sales. Everywhere we go, we’re selling ourselves.

Don’t assume they have the power because they’re the one who says yes or no.

YOU have the power. You’re the one paying the rent.

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