This week’s question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.
I was working with your question of, “What am I resisting?” and I’ve come to realize that I’m resisting being rejected in my work/business. If someone tells me “No,” it feels like I just want to give up. It touches on the idea that I’m not good enough.
No one has even told me straight up, “No.” I’m just scared of the idea of them telling me no.
How do I build and strengthen my self-worth?
When you’re in that fear of rejection, you’re not thinking about how you could help the other person. You’re thinking about preserving yourself.
When someone rejects you, it has nothing to do with you.
It doesn’t matter what they’re rejecting you about, either. It has to do with whatever is going on inside of them that’s causing them to say no.
When we’re in business, and we’re offering something that would benefit others — whether it’s a product or service — and they need that product or service, and they’re saying no…what they’re really doing is denying themselves of some kind of benefit or improvement in their life. They’re scared to move forward.
It has nothing to do with you.
Who rejected you when you were a child? Your mom or your dad?
Every time somebody tells you “no,” it’s like having both of your parents reject you. It’s like having them say you’re not good enough, and “We don’t love you.”
…That’s what your subconscious mind hears.
Here’s the absolute truth. Brace yourself…
It doesn’t matter if your parents loved you or not. Because you’re an adult now, and your responsibility is to love yourself.
When you allow yourself to be the way you’re being right now, you’re saying, “I don’t love myself enough to not need it from someone else.”
Here’s an exercise:
Every day, identify three things you appreciate about yourself.
…And this is very important. You’ve got to get rid of the anger you have for your parents. You’re never going to be able to fully love yourself until you do.
You can’t will it away. The anger needs to be expressed. You’ve got to get it out of your body.
Sit down and write a letter to your parents. You’re not going to give it to them — but tell them how angry you are at what they did (or didn’t do), and how they weren’t there for you.
Allow yourself to feel all that emotion.
Next, find three things every day that you appreciate about yourself. Start focusing on the things you love in life.
You have to save yourself. Nobody’s coming to save you. I’m sorry they didn’t come when you were six…but you’re not six anymore.
You have to let it go.
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