This week’s question from our portal “Ask Us Anything” comes from Kevin:
I’m in survival mode, 100%—it comes from childhood. I’ve known this intellectually for a long time. I’m not making enough money to pay my bills, and it’s a self-worth thing. I’ve been reading about changing my self-concept, and I think that’s the root of this unconscious behavior. I’m blocking myself from succeeding. What can I do?
I want you to really think about something. It’s 100% true that nobody’s external success will outperform their internal self-image. So that image has to change.
Now, why is it so difficult for it to change? Because the image that you created that got you relatively safely to where you are right now is reluctant to let go. That’s like your best buddy. That’s what you used to get through all the hardships of your childhood and early adult years.
And here’s the critical step people miss: you have to mourn the letting go of that part of yourself. Because if you don’t mourn it, it won’t leave. You’re not really letting it go. So what happens is the person will be the new self-image one day, and take two steps back the next day, back into the person they were.
Part of the process of mourning is to completely release and let go of the person that got you to where you are today—but not with the idea that there’s anything wrong with that person. In fact, it’s the opposite. That person is a wonderful aspect of you. It’s like the little child in you. It’s like, “Okay, I’ve got it from here. We’re going to create a new person to get me to the next level. But we’re not angry with you. You didn’t do anything wrong. You did everything absolutely perfect—and the evidence is that I’ve arrived at this place.”
You have to basically have a funeral, put that other person to rest. It can no longer be part of your life. Because if any part of it is still there, the moment you get stressed or tired or something’s going wrong, it’s going to want to come back in, because it says “this is where you’ve needed me in the past.”
That part is the part we have to put to bed forever.
