This week’s question from our portal “Ask Us Anything” comes Andrea.
I’m trying to figure out why I’m not giving 100% effort toward my goals. I’m only putting in about 30% energy, even though I genuinely want to achieve these goals. For example, it took me three weeks to take any action on last month’s sales goal. I’ve identified the steps: finding the right clients, preparing my portfolio and cover letter, and then actually sending it out. Once I sent the first one, I was able to send several more, but that initial action took forever. I don’t schedule tasks for myself because I know I won’t follow them – I have a lot of rebellion against my own schedules, though I’ll always follow schedules for clients. Why am I holding myself back like this?
What you’re describing is fundamentally about control. A rebellious attitude is always about control at its core. Here’s something fascinating to consider:Â
Nobody is rebellious against the things they actually want.
They’re rebellious against the environment they grew up in.
There’s an interesting phenomenon where we become replicas of our parents or caregivers in one of two ways. Either we directly pattern after them, or we rebel against them. Rebels think, “I’m not like them at all,” but miss that the rebellious attitude itself is a direct response to their parents’ behavior. You’re still connected to the very thing you don’t want to become. Being a rebel doesn’t set you free – it keeps you tethered to whatever you’re rebelling against.
For example, if your mother was always being late to take you to school, that probably caused embarrassment for you. Now, as an adult, you’re replacing your mother with your work – your work has become the authority figure, and you’d rather avoid it than engage with it.
You need to recognize that your calendar can be a tool that sets you free rather than restricts you. Many people view calendars only as places to put things they don’t want to do. Try starting with scheduling things that are important to you – free time, when you’ll be done working, vacations, personal time – and then fill in your work blocks around those commitments.
Creative people actually produce more and better work with some time constraints and structure. The idea that you need to be completely free and do things whenever you feel like it actually reduces productivity and creativity. By taking control of your schedule (starting with planning your time off), you’re exercising true control – not the false control that comes from rebellion.
