This week’s question from our portal “Ask Us Anything” comes from Jennifer.
I’ve been wanting some things that I really think I might be dreaming too much about. Like things around the house – I want to do a couple of things because that’s the way I want it to look. But then I think I go into these extravagant ideas and wants, and I really feel like I just go over my head with them.
But at the same time, there’s something that pulls me toward that. So I’m not sure if I’m caught somewhere in the middle of not being realistic or if I’m just not following through with what I desire. I don’t know what’s going on, but I feel like that has been my reality in every aspect of my life lately. I feel like I still need permission to make some stupid mistakes or even to ruin the house, for example. Should I just continue doing what I want to do to my home, or should I pull back and be more practical?
Yes. Continue doing what you want to do.
There’s no other way to learn yourself than to let yourself do what you want to do and then determine whether or not that’s a good thing for you or not afterwards.
We’re not children here. We’re all adults, right? But I’m sensing that you may still feel like a child at times, in some areas of your life, almost as if you need permission to make what you’re calling “stupid mistakes.”
Here’s the thing about that…
You can’t get past that feeling unless you give yourself the authority to do what you want to do and recognize that you’re giving yourself the authority and allow some of those things to be mistakes when they are.
We have to transition ourselves from that childhood programming where we needed permission from parents or authority figures to do anything. But as an adult, waiting for permission becomes a limitation. It keeps you stuck in patterns where you’re still looking outside yourself for validation to live your own life.
There’s no stupid mistake. That’s bringing judgment into the idea of making a mistake again. It’s a lesson. That’s all that it is.
When you label something as a “stupid mistake,” you’re adding shame and guilt to the learning process. That’s exactly the kind of thinking we need to move away from. Mistakes are how we grow. They’re how we learn what works for us and what doesn’t. They’re essential to becoming the person you want to be.
Go be as extravagant as you want and then sit and look around and go, “Hey, I love this or I don’t love this or here’s things that I would change,” but don’t beat yourself up over it.
Give yourself the authority to do it.
The worst thing that can happen is you learn something about yourself – what you like, what you don’t like, what feels good to you, what doesn’t resonate. That’s valuable information. That’s how you develop your own sense of self and your own preferences separate from what anyone else thinks you should want or do.
And here’s what I want you to understand: this pattern you’re describing about feeling like you’re going over your head with extravagant wants – that’s actually your subconscious still operating from a scarcity mindset or from the belief that you don’t deserve those things. It’s judging your desires before you even act on them.
The solution isn’t to pull back and be more “realistic.” The solution is to give yourself permission to want what you want, to create what you want to create, and to learn from the experience. That’s how you build self-trust. That’s how you build confidence in your own authority over your life.
Stop waiting for permission. You’re the only one who can give it to yourself anyway.
