This week’s question from our portal “Ask Us Anything” comes Laura
I seem to be attracting clients who, while I technically can help them, aren’t really my ideal clients. For example, I met with a potential client this morning who had difficulty articulating what she wanted. Despite my best efforts asking questions like “What do you really want?” and “What are you worried about?”, she kept responding with “I don’t know” or seemed surprised that anyone would ask her these questions. She has money and needs estate planning help, but by the end of our meeting, I was completely exhausted. How do you handle clients who can’t tell you what they want? And how do you politely decline working with energy-draining clients while still pointing them in a helpful direction?
When someone consistently can’t tell you what they want despite your best questioning efforts, there’s usually something deeper going on with that person. In these situations, I recommend two approaches.
First, develop a series of prompting questions specific to your service area. Rather than the open-ended “What do you want?”, try more directed questions: “Are you concerned about X? Do you want to ensure Y? Is Z important to you?” These specific prompts often help people articulate needs they couldn’t express more generally.
However, if every question is met with “I don’t know,” it’s time to recognize this person may not be ready for your services. In your specific case with the estate planning client, it sounds like she may be dealing with unresolved grief that’s blocking her ability to make clear decisions.
At this point, be direct but compassionate: “I can only help you when you know what you want. I’d be happy to work with you once you have more clarity, but right now I don’t think I’m the right person to help you.” You might suggest they consult with family members or, in cases where there seems to be emotional blockage, recommend appropriate support like grief counseling.
Be careful about falling into the rescuer trap where you think, “I know I can help her if she’d just…” This is ego-driven thinking. If someone is showing all the signs of needing different help first, trust those signs. Set a clear boundary and let them know your door remains open when they’re ready.
The key is recognizing when someone needs something different than what you offer, being honest about that, and not getting pulled into situations that drain you without producing results for either party.
